5 bài Vè nói ngược hài hước cho trí tưởng tượng bay cao

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LBC – Những bài vè nói ngược của ông bà ta ngày xưa như Bao giờ cho đến tháng ba hay Bước sang tháng sáu giá chân… pha vào trong đó tiếng cười hết sức rõ nét.

Cười để giải trí, thư giãn; cười để thể hiện tinh thần lạc quan, yêu đời, vượt lên số phận và cười một cách trào phúng trước sự đời bao trái ngang, ngang trái, đổi trắng thay đen, khó lòng lường trước được.

Ai đời vào hè thì lạnh, sang đông thì nóng?! Ai đời bò đi tắm gội, vịt lại cày bừa?! Ai đời quýt đỏ, hồng vàng, chuồn chuồn xơi cám, lợn mải miết bay?!… Nhưng biết đâu đấy, thiên nhiên muôn hình muôn vẻ, thế sự xoay vần, có những hình ảnh xuất hiện trong vè hết sức ngược đời, không cách nào trở thành hiện thực, song cũng có những hình ảnh tưởng không thể lại đang hiển hiện ngoài đời thực đấy thôi!

Tạm gác bàn luận, ta cứ thưởng thức trước và cười cái đã nhé! 🙂

Vè nói ngược

1

Vè nói ngược

Nghe vẻ vè ve,
Nghe vè nói ngược.
Ngựa đua dưới nước,
Tàu chạy trên bờ.
Trên núi đặt lờ,
Dưới sông bửa củi.
Gà cồ hay ủi,
Heo nái hay bươi.
Nước kém mùng mười,
Ba mươi nước lớn.

***

2

Bao giờ cho đến tháng ba

Bao giờ cho đến tháng ba
Ếch cắn cổ rắn tha ra ngoài đồng
Hùm nằm cho lợn liếm lông
Một chục quả hồng nuốt lão tám mươi
Nắm xôi nuốt trẻ lên mười
Con gà, be rượu nuốt người lao đao
Lươn nằm cho trúm bò vào
Một đàn cào cào đuổi bắt cá rô
Lúa mạ nhảy lên ăn bò
Cỏ năn, cỏ lác rình mò bắt trâu
Gà con đuổi bắt diều hâu
Chim ri đuổi đánh vỡ đầu bồ nông.

***

3

Bước sang tháng sáu giá chân

Bước sang tháng sáu giá chân
Tháng chạp nằm trần bức đổ mồ hôi
Con chuột kéo cầy lồi lồi
Con trâu bốc gạo vào ngồi trong cong
Vườn rộng thì thả rau rong
Ao sâu vãi cải lấy ngồng làm dưa
Đàn bò đi tắm đến trưa
Một đàn con vịt đi bừa ruộng nương
Voi kia nằm ở gậm giường
Cóc đi đánh giặc bốn phương nhọc nhằn
Chuồn kia thấy cám liền ăn
Lợn kia thấy cám nhọc nhằn bay qua
Trời mưa cho mối bắt gà,
Thòng đong cân cấn đuổi cò lao xao
Lươn nằm cho trúm bò vào
Một đàn cào cào đuổi bắt cá rô
Thóc giống cắn chuột trong bồ
Một trăm lá mạ đuổi vồ con trâu
Chim chích cắn cổ diều hâu
Gà con tha quạ biết đâu mà tìm

Bong bóng thì chìm, gỗ lim thì nổi
Đào ao bằng chổi, quét nhà bằng mai
Hòn đá dẻo dai, hòn xôi rắn chắc
Gan lợn thì đắng, bồ hòn thì bùi
Hương hoa thì hôi, nhất thơm thì cú
Đàn ông to vú, đàn bà rậm râu.
Hay cắn thì trâu, hay cày thì chó.

***

4

Ve vẻ vè ve cái vè nói ngược

Ve vẻ vè ve
Cái vè nói ngược
Non cao đầy nước
Đáy biển đầy cây
Dưới đất lắm mây
Trên trời lắm cỏ
Người thì có mỏ
Chim thì có mồm
Thẳng như lưng tôm
Cong như cán cuốc
Thơm nhất là ruốc
Hôi nhất là hương
Đặc như ống bương
Rỗng như ruột gỗ
Chó thì hay mổ
Gà hay liếm la
Xù xì quả cà
Trơn như quả mít
Meo meo là vịt
Quạc quạc là mèo
Trâu thì hay trèo
Sóc thì lội nước
Rắn thì hay bước
Voi thì hay bò
Ngắn như cổ cò
Dài như cổ vịt
Đỏ như quả quýt
Vàng như quả hồng
Cao tồng ngồng như chim tu hú
Lùn lụ khụ như chim bồ nông
Hay chạy lon ton là gà mới nở
Cái mặt hay đỏ là con gà mào
Hay bơi dưới ao mẹ con nhà vịt
Hay la hay hét là con bồ chao
Hay bay hay nhào mẹ con bói cá.

***

5

Con chó hay trèo, con mèo hay cắn

Con chó hay trèo
Con mèo hay cắn
Xôi thịt thì đắng
Bồ hòn thì hôi
Thơm như tổ cú…

Hay gáy con trâu
Hay cày gà trống
Của ta thì trọng
Của chúa thì hèn
Giấy bản thì đen
Mực tàu thì trắng
Mây mù thì nắng
Mây trắng thì mưa.

Sưu tầm: Luonbencon

1638 BÌNH LUẬN

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