Sinh nhật anh, em chỉ đưa tay để mình cùng nắm… qua những tháng năm dài

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LBC – Hồi mới cưới nhau, rồi sinh con, em như người đang bay trên mây bị hạ cánh xuống mặt đất.

Lúc ấy, anh, rõ ràng không phải như em từng mơ – về một người đàn ông dịu dàng và lãng mạn.

Nhiều lần rơi nước mắt trong đêm, em nghĩ đến việc ôm vali để đi đâu đó.

Ừ, sẽ là đi thật xa, chỉ có hai mẹ con và sống một cuộc đời mộng mơ theo ‎ý mình.

Ừ, sẽ là quay về ngôi nhà bà ngoại. Ở đó em được nuông chiều, được cưng nựng.

Nhưng sáng ra, khi em còn ngái ngủ, nghe anh cất tiếng đọc thơ cho con: Ôi ngày mai của con/Chắc sẽ nhiều mới lạ/Bố mẹ thì sẽ già/Như lời ru đã cũ…

Là tim em lại mềm đi, trong một nỗi yêu thương không thể gọi thành lời.

hanh-phuc-thuc-su

Và rồi em trở dậy để tiếp tục với lằn nhằn, với càm nhàm, với trách móc nhưng trong tim đã ngọt những niềm vui.

Em cứ bị những điều nho nhỏ như thế níu giữ. Mà anh lại có quá nhiều những điều nho nhỏ ấy.

Như khi anh hay xếp lại cái túi đi làm với vô thiên lủng các thứ lỉnh kỉnh của em. Rồi đặt thêm vào đó ít tiền chợ.

Như khi anh mua cái túi ủ ấm vì biết mùa đông tay em hay bị lạnh.

Như khi anh áng chừng xe đã hết xăng, điện thoại đã hết tiền để đổ xăng và nạp thêm thẻ cho em.

Như khi anh cứ đi công tác ra khỏi Hà Nội là nhớ mua quà cho cả nhà.

Như anh luôn coi cơm nhà là ngon hơn mọi thứ cao lương mĩ vị trên đời.

Như khi anh…

Anh cứ làm thế, lặng lẽ, tận tụy, không hề chấp một đứa tính tình trồi sụt thất thường mưa nắng, đứa hay quên, đứa vụng về, đứa vô lo đến ngạc nhiên là em.

Nên em đã không còn mơ về một tình yêu mà toàn hẹn hò và đưa đón.

Em không còn mơ một tình yêu chỉ toàn những lời đẹp trên môi.

Một tình yêu đắm say quấn qu‎ýt “Áo xông hương của chàng vắt mắc/Đêm em nằm em đắp lấy hơi”.

Em đã nghĩ về tình yêu với sự tha thứ, buông bỏ, với những đằm sâu, với kết nối ràng rịt của đứa con và những mối quan hệ xung quanh nó. Về sự hài hòa giữa bên nội và bên ngoại.

Em đã hiểu hạnh phúc không bắt đầu khi chuyện này, chuyện kia hay chuyện đó khác đi. Hạnh phúc là điều xảy ra ngay lúc này, khi bạn yêu quý‎ những gì mình có.

Mừng sinh nhật anh. Em chẳng chúc gì.

Em chỉ đưa tay. Để mình cùng nắm… Qua những tháng năm dài…

Được không anh?!

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